This was a huge year for celebrity breakups and if you are a fan a juicy gossip then you sure got your fair share. There were some extremely interesting details that came out about some once-untouchable stars, and then there are celebrities who behaved exactly like we expected them to. Although we like happy endings more, sometimes it’s fun to stand by and watch how big of a train wreck a celebrity breakup can be. And this year we got some doozies. And unlike most of us, they all have boatloads of money that can help them to soften the blow of a bad breakup. Sure they have emotions too, but most of us experience bad breakups and then go home to eat macaroni and cheese whereas these super-rich celebrities get to drown their tears in solid gold toilet paper.
10. George and Ann Lopez – let’s start the list off with a couple that weren’t exactly famous to begin with. We’re not sure who considers themselves a George Lopez fan, but we guess they are out there because he makes a lot of money doing whatever he does. The interesting thing about this story is that his wife donated a kidney to him a few years ago. We would think that would be good enough to keep a couple together forever, but we guess we were wrong. Although in a weird sense she will always be a part of him (ha,ha, get it? Cuz her fat kidney is in his body)
9. Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus – in keeping with the theme of pseudo-celebrities we have good ol’ Billy Ray and his wife. The weird part about this story is that somehow Bret Michaels was involved and implicated in a fling with Tish. That’s a lot of leathery skin flying around that we would rather not think about.
8. Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey – this was a bit of an odd ball couple to begin with but we generally liked that they seemed to work well together. But alas, these two funny love birds eventually succumb to the test of time and they drifted apart amicably. It’s probably for the best since they seemed like such an odd pairing to begin with. The only bad part about this breakup was we had to endure a Jenny McCarthy book tour afterwards because apparently she is able to write.
7. Courteney Cox and David Arquette – this one came out of the blue and most people forgot that these two were a couple anyways. It always seemed like a rather odd pairing that was doomed for failure so most people were surprised that they made it this long. Arquette went a bit mental after the breakup and he certainly didn’t handle it as well as he could.
6. Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen – we are going to just go ahead and blame Brook Mueller for this entire situation. Who in their right mind marries Charlie Sheen anyways? Well, we already knows the answer to that but it should be a rhetorical question. If you are stupid enough to set yourself up for such a huge failure we have no sympathy for you.
5. Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry – hey ladies, this beautiful woman has never been able to find a solid relationship that works out in the long term – how does that make you feel about your own chances? Apparently beauty, wealth, and even more beauty aren’t good enough to be able to make a relationship work so good luck uggos.
4. Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman – this partnership simply had to end because you can’t have such a hot woman being with such a weird looking guy. It breaks every rule of the universe and every year that they were together a leprechaun died because that’s the only way to balance things out. There are still a lot of leprechauns dying because of Jennifer Lopez and Paul Anthony, but at least there’s less of them now thanks to this breakup.
3. Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva – now we have reached the top three, and for a lot of people these choices might be interchangeable. A lot of folks consider Mel Gibson’s breakup and subsequent leaked phone tapes to be the biggest relationship story of the year, but we have it at number three because frankly, it wasn’t all that surprising. It basically just confirmed that Gibson is a maniac.
2. Sandra Bullock and Jesse James – this one honestly makes us sad because we like Sandra Bullock so much. She has always carried herself so well that she didn’t deserve to be treated the way she was. In the end maybe opposites attract at first but when one part of the couple is America’s sweetheart and the other part is a guy who likes disgusting tattoos on even more disgusting butterfaces, we don’t like the chances of it working out in the end. An interesting take on the Sandra Bullock Breakup.
1. Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren – do you remember where you were when you heard that Tiger Woods had crashed his car? People were worried that he had died, was seriously injured, or that his career was over. And then the weird details of the entire situation started leaking out and it seemed too bizarre to believe. Was his wife are really out there trying to knock his block off with a golf club? And then all those mistresses came out of the woodwork and the whole thing seemed like some sort of tragic play – a play starring a lot of strippers. It turns out that Tiger was a total hound and he absolutely loved the babes no matter where they came from. It was hard for guys to feel bad about it because not only did he get to be with dozens of beautiful women, he was also great at golf. Think about it, even if you manage to have as many lovers as Tiger, chances are you still suck at golf. Here’s an interesting look at Tiger’s past – Tiger breakup letter.
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