The saddest part about any relationship is the end. When the loving feelings have dissipated and all the patience has run out, sometimes the only course of action left is the “big breakup”. If you have ever been on the receiving end of a breakup then you know how painful the sting can be. And conversely, being the person to initiate an end to a relationship is no walk in the park either. When breaking up with someone, you have the added responsibility of doing it in the most reasonable way that accounts for the feelings of the other person. Of course not everyone holds themselves to a self-imposed standard. Some breakups are colossal blunders of judgement where one or more people are left feeling rejected, stupid, or totally embarrassed. If you are looking to break up with someone the right way, then this article will detail some of the major mistakes to avoid.
Don’t be vengeful. The reason why you break up with someone will set the tone of the breakup itself. If you feel that your relationship would work better as a friendship than a romantic pairing, then chances are your breakup will be friendly. But if you are breaking up with someone in order to hurt them, then that tinge of vengeance will undoubtedly be present during your breakup. So think of why you want to be away from the other person, and then ask if you can control yourself enough to allow for the classiest breakup possible. The most important thing you want from any breakup is closure. Vengeful tactics might feel good at first but in the end you will be denying yourself any sense of closure because there is a good chance you will regret your actions one day.
Don’t break up by text. There are more ways to communicate now more than ever. But don’t get too excited, it doesn’t mean there are more ways to break up with someone. The only way you should ever break up with your partner is face-to-face, looking into his or her eyes, and using your own voice. When it comes to breakups, throw the cell phones, text messages, emails, and website updates out the window. Sure all of these online dating methods are easier, and they save you the awkwardness of an in-person breakup, but it simply isn’t appropriate. Moreover, it is rude and not a good reflection on your personality if you aren’t willing to give someone you used to care about at least a certain degree of respect.
Don’t lie. There is a delicate balance between sparing someone’s feelings and outright lying. It isn’t easy, but it is your job to navigate through the situation so that you are both truthful and sensitive. Lying about why you want to break up by giving a standard excuse such as “it’s not you, it’s me” doesn’t do anyone any favours. The fact is that the other person is getting dumped, and it will hurt. There is no need to exacerbate the situation by further insulting that person with weak or condescending excuses. Along these lines, make it very clear that you are breaking up with the person for good. If you want a clean break then don’t promise to get back together at a later date. Never give the other person false hope because they will take what you’re saying at face value if they still have feelings for you.
Breakups are hard because no one ever gets used to the emotions involved. In the overall scheme of things, it really is a rare occurrence when we have to reject someone outright. Perhaps practice would make perfect but who gets that much practice at breakups? For most of us, we have to do the best we can and that means being honest and fair while controlling our actions. Again, the most important function of a breakup is that of closure. With proper closure a wound is more likely to heal no matter how painful or surprising the end of a soulmate relationship may be. So think of the good times, when you had love for the other person, and the way they made you happy. Respect them for who they are and do your best to give them a proper breakup.
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