If you are a guy, you have no doubt run into girls who want you to share every intimate detail about your life and past. In fact, it’s extremely hard to find any girl who isn’t interested in this information. If they don’t ask you about it directly, they’ll find a way to determine if on their own. These days the social media and things like Facebook, it’s not too hard to piece together aspects of your history.
Sometimes guys are hesitant to share everything, but it’s not because they have things to hide. Okay, maybe in some way they do but they also have common sense. The romantic notion that being able to share everything with your partner is ridiculous. We don’t live in a fantasy world where people love each other no matter what. In many cases, it’s all a game and you have to play it with strategy if you want to succeed. There are some things you have to keep secret not just to protect yourself, but to protect the relationship as well. I’m not talking about hiding whether it or not you are cheating or anything totally misleading like that. It’s more stuff related to the kinds of deep personal thoughts that you usually keep to yourself.
I once had a girlfriend who claimed that she wanted to know everything about me. Like literally everything. She wanted to know what I thought about everything, what I did in the past, how many girlfriends I’ve had, and exactly what I felt about them. She wanted to know how many times I had been in love, how my relationship ended, and my deepest innermost thoughts related to everything. Now when I put it like that, she sounds a little bit crazy, but she wasn’t. I’m obviously talking about everything at once just to give you an example of the things she wanted to know. It wasn’t like she would ask me every day of the week or bombard me with questions. But every once in a while, she would want to have as deep personal talks where we shared this kind of thing.
I always told her that there were some things she was better off not knowing.
On my part, I never asked anything about her history. I didn’t ask how many boyfriends she had, however relationships ended, or if she still had a first love that she was hung up on. I didn’t ask her most romantic experience or the greatest first date that she ever went on. In part, I honestly didn’t care, and I also knew that there was a good chance that whatever answer she gave me would bother me. That’s because I didn’t want to find myself trying to live up to past boyfriends or experiences. I knew that concentrating on the present was a lot better, and I could still learn to know who she was without finding all these intimate details about your past. She felt differently, as she thought that we would become closer if I would be willing to share this type of information. Meanwhile, I never pressed her or pursued any of these questions at all.
Eventually I gave in and I started to share, and there were things that I divulged to her that I had never told anyone else. They were deep and intimate things, and some of them were quite dark. They were definitely not all happy, and this is something that I knew would cause a problem. You have to be careful about asking questions that you might not like the answer to. It can change things including your perceptions of the other person. You go around thinking that you want your partner to share and that it will bring you closer, but it might just end up putting them in a different light because there’s a reason why they keep these things locked up and away from you. Sometimes it’s better just to leave things alone and realize that two people can work perfectly together without serving as each other’s personal diary. That’s what friends are for. That’s what family members are for. There are people that serve different roles and sometimes you can’t get everything you want just from your partner. And in many cases, what you think you want isn’t what you want at all.
In the end, as I began to share more, I could tell it was starting to affect our relationship. There were things that I definitely shouldn’t have told her, and I knew she would be able to get over them. I’m not saying that all girls are like that, but there are many girls like this. Sometimes you just have to appreciate a relationship where it is without turning it into some kind of magical fantasy world where you share absolutely everything. Don’t think that your love is so perfect that you can make stupid promises like never going to bed angry or never telling a lie to each other. Stuff like this happens because we are human. You’ve got to be realistic and remember that sometimes knowing absolutely everything about the other person isn’t a good thing.
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