Fighting is a normal part of any relationship. In fact, it would be quite strange to find a couple that never fights at all. So when someone thinks of getting a divorce, it might not just be because of fighting alone. There are usually a whole variety of factors that can lead to divorce. No marriage is free from problems and in fact, it is the adversity that brings us closer to our partners. A relationship is not defined by how well things go when times are good, but rather how well people handle the bad times. Here are some leading factors that people can experience that may lead to divorce.
Mean Fighting – As stated before, fighting is normal, but it also comes in different forms. At the heart of it fighting is just another form of communication and it doesn’t mean a couple is incompatible. But if certain elements of fighting are present, then that can be a sign of trouble. For example, if fighting comes with name-calling, insults, or vengeful tactics a relationship will be severely strained. It can also be a sign of trouble if there is no effort made to resolve the fight in the end. If you fight for fighting’s sake over the same topics over and over again, the strain on a marriage can be too much to bear. A healthy couple will try to work things out and listen to each other during a fight. A couple headed for divorce will have hurting one another as the main goal of a fight.
Lying – Everyone tells white lies from time to time, and that’s fine. But outright lies and secrets will kill a marriage eventually. A marriage is based on trust and this cannot happen if one or both parties are not honest with the other. There is no simple definition of the type of lie that can lead to divorce, because it depends on the situation. Each person will attach different values to a particular lie so one thing may seem more or less serious depending on who is involved. But basically, if trust has been broken by a lie then that lie has gone too far. It may start with simple things like what time you’ll be home but it could expand to lies that can affect a marriage such as who you’re with. If a lie is combined with an action that further damages trust then the path for a divorce may be set.
Changing your partner – Your partner may exhibit behaviour that is unacceptable to you. Whether or not they want to change is their responsibility, not yours. If you entered a marriage with the assumption that you could change your soulmate with time, then you were mistaken. It is impossible to change someone unless they want to change first. If you spend enough time trying to bend your partner to your will, they will eventually start to resent you. Furthermore, it will have the exact opposite reverse of what you want. So if you insist of staying with your mission of changing your partner be warned – it won’t work, and you are putting your marriage a risk.
Money problems – Money can come in between friendships, working relationships, and marriages. Some of the biggest fights happen when money is the main issue. Studies have shown that people tend to end up with partners who are opposites when it comes to spending habits. So there is a tendency for things to balance out. However, when the balance is upset some pretty big fights can happen. Luckily, money situations can be resolved. Some couples let their financial woes end their marriage but it doesn’t have to be that way. As long as you fix the money problem then the relationship will fall in line. So if money is really the only thing you ever fight about, try to solve that one problem and you might find the situation improving.
Holding on to the Past – A marriage is about learning and growing together. You will undoubtedly encounter hardships but the goal is to move on after they’ve happen. But if you or your partner hold onto the past and bring back old arguments or mistakes, the marriage will get stuck in the same place. A past mistake can be a powerful thing to hold onto and use during an argument. It may help to make your point or even to win the fight. But you have to ask yourself if winning that one argument is worth hurting your partner and ultimately putting your marriage at risk.
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